The title of this post is the name of one of very, very few Simon & Garfunkel songs that I actually don’t like. I mean, I LOVE Simon & Garfunkel, and everything Paul Simon has ever done. Except that one song and maybe a handful of others. I consider myself mostly an introvert, but being an island seems too extreme.
I’ve been thinking about isolation a lot lately. I’m not sure if what I’m experiencing is simply a cultural norm, but I think it is. I keep wondering to myself, just how it is that I can live in a neighborhood of about 300 houses, and not actually know the names of more than maybe three of our neighbors. Or why every person needs to buy their own lawnmower, drill, aerator, weed puller, etc. Can’t we share, for God’s sake? Are we just all trying to burn money? How often do you use that ladder?
On the parental front, I also don’t get why it is that all day long, I see stay-at-home moms out pushing their strollers for exercise – but doing so completely alone, even when there are five of them out at once. How do we not talk to each other, and support each other in the daily challenges of motherhood? Are we really this afraid of “talking to strangers”? Or of getting in each others’ way?
Having a kid is a life of inexplicable paradoxes, and this one isn’t a small one in my mind. I find it so odd how, in some ways, having a child is a huge ice-breaker. Neighbors will indeed talk to me more when they have my son to comment on. And mom groups open doors to potential new friends.
At the same time, though, there’s this weird sense of having to stay at opposite ends of a playground. When my kid begins to interact with other kids he doesn’t know, parents sometimes pull their children away. Like, ok, kids, we should all learn how to walk over this little wiggly bridge – but every kid needs to learn it on their own. Do not watch that other kid! Do not listen to what that other parent is saying! Get away! It happens literally on playgrounds, as well as in restaurants, museums, etc. Why should my son not throw a ball to this other child? I don’t get it. What are we all so afraid of?
As a mom, it’s very isolating. I find that wherever I go — unless I have a friend to go with me (and I rarely do) — I’m just alone in a crowd. I’m like so many people where I live: a transplant from another state, little to no family in the immediate area, few local friends. All us moms (and dads, for that matter) are doing hard work, and I’d really like to talk about it. But we don’t. We stay in our corners, wallow in mom-guilt, and think we’re crazy or terrible mothers.
It can’t be good for the kids, either. When they have no grandparents or cousins around, and others want to be careful not to overstep their bounds… how do they fill that void? How will I fill this void for my son? Is it even possible?
I’m blessed that, for now, my son gets to enjoy daycare where he makes older friends, and gets lots of play time in with a surrogate family of sorts. It’s good for him, and good for me in a lot of ways. But I don’t know what we’d do if it wasn’t for that. I have a hard time finding activities to fill my two weekdays with him each week – most things aren’t fun without friends to join in. I can’t imagine doing it every day.
So. I think it’s time for us moms to stop worrying about bothering each other, and realize we can be assets to each other instead. It’s more than likely that we all need a little support. I have ideas for how to make certain things happen – I just need to see if I can overcome my own fears and make it work. Be the change you want to see, and so on.
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